7 Mistakes I Didn’t Make in My New City

1. Flying Solo

I’m quite comfortable in my own company: my idea of a restorative weekend involves not having to use my vocal cords for a full 48 hours! Long baths, good books, and going on my own to matinee movies suit me just fine. Back home, I have friends who get that, and who will happily spend an afternoon reading alongside me at a cafe or bookstore, or watching films next to me without commenting on every little thing. But building comfortable, intimate friendships requires meeting people and actually talking to them! So, I’m stepping out of my “comfort zone” by joining things like a local bocce league, which gets me out of the house and interacting with live– and very friendly– humans, on a regular basis.

2. Negatively Comparing Everything to Your Old City

If all I focused on was what I missed, I would be one unhappy transplant. I would also be missing out on all that my new city has to offer. Sure, Austin doesn’t have the Arclight Cinemas, but Los Angeles doesn’t have Alamo Drafthouse, where you can get full meals, snacks, and drinks from the bar delivered to your seat during the movie (well, not yet… but there’s one on the way!). And while I love me a good breakfast burrito, Austin has an entire sub-culture devoted to breakfast tacos, which come with the added benefit of not inducing a food coma before noon. Finally, though I have seen a couple of timid drivers sit through several rush-hour traffic light cycles because of some weird Fear of Left Turns that seems to happen here, not one person honked at them. Isn’t that nice? I’m happy to change my own ingrained L.A. driving habits if it means not hearing car horns blasting literally hundreds of times throughout my day.

(Although, it must be said, I truly believe I will never have another Good Hair Day as long as I live in the State of Texas. Southern California weather wins all contests, every time. Just saying.)

3. Only Going to Places that Remind You of Home

My heart lifted just a little in my first days here when I saw a Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and an In-N-Out Burger here in Austin. Heck, there’s even a Frenchy’s Beauty Parlor here (okay, that one is a good thing)! But if I only chose to go to the same places I’ve always been, I’d be missing out on the awesome veggie burgers and fries at P. Terry’s, or the on-tap cold-brew coffee at Radio Coffee and Beer. Part of Keeping Austin Weird is supporting businesses that were created by and for the people that live here, and they’ve got a lot of interesting and wonderful things to offer… things we’ve never tried anywhere else!

4. Forgetting Your Old Friends

It’s been a little challenging being in different time zones, but if I didn’t have regular phone calls and video chats with some of my old friends, life would be a lot harder… especially during these first few months while I’m meeting and getting to know new people. In this new place where no one knows me well yet, it’s easy to feel a bit adrift, so I’ve set calendar reminders to call or text loved ones at regular intervals. They’ve been really lovely about reaching out to me, as well, and it’s making all the difference.

5. Thinking Only of Oneself

Mr. Vega and I spent a pleasantly exhausting Saturday morning a few weeks ago clearing brush at Community First! for Mobile Loaves and Fishes, a social outreach ministry that empowers communities into a lifestyle of service with the homeless. It was great to get out and work hard with other people, for other people, and doing something to help alleviate homelessness puts all our temporary moving discomfort into perspective.

We also attended an event at our local political party headquarters, to register to vote and get to know some of the candidates a little better. In Texas, unlike in California, voter registration must be done in the presence of someone who has been deputized to register them… We’re considering getting deputized, so we can help people get registered before the October deadline. It’s another good way to give back to our new community, and encourage others to do the same.

6. Shopping Only at the Grocery Store

We signed up for a weekly CSA box from Johnson’s Backyard Garden. Because we are not from the South, we’ve had the opportunity to get to know some new-to-us produce, like okra, sweet potato greens, and some kind of melon I’d never seen before… thank goodness for the Internet, and its endless supply of recipes! Every week is a new surprise, and we like knowing that it’s all organic and locally grown. If we only shopped at the grocery store, we’d most likely gravitate toward the things we know, and overlook some delicious opportunities!

7. Driving Aggressively

Our first week here, Mr. Vega noticed that, unlike in Los Angeles where drivers pull their cars out into the intesections in anticipation of their left turns, most folks in Austin tend to wait behind the limit lines for a break in traffic (see #2 for the problems that can cause!). Also,  perhaps because of the congestion in this rapidly-expanding city, people have a tendency to cut each other off a lot– or maybe it’s because so few of us know where we’re going! Taking our time, and allowing other drivers the right-of-way when we can has allowed us to become accustomed to the local style of driving, and hopefully, keep the roads just a little bit safer for everyone, here in our new city!

What are some of the mistakes you have made (or avoided) when relocating to a new city?

Texans are Nice, Y’all!

A few weeks ago, Husband went to get gardening supplies at a big home improvement store, and when he came out, an apologetic man was waiting by our car. The man’s car door had gotten away from him in the wind, and banged heck out of ours. So he did what his Daddy probably marched him to the neighbors’ house decades ago to learn after he broke their window with an errant baseball: he waited, apologized, and set out to make it right. By the time my husband came out, the man had contacted his own insurance company and told them to expect our call.

Mind you, I once got my car keyed in Los Angeles because my friend asked the guy parked next to us if he was really planning to just leave all the trash he had dumped in the parking lot. I’ve been screamed at by two different men at two different gas stations for not pulling up to the front pump (which had been occupied when I arrived). I was actually threatened with a gun in a church parking lot for touching someone’s parked car.

And while I’m sure there are (proportionally speaking) just as many mean, irrational, and mentally ill people in Austin as there are in Los Angeles, there also seems to be a culture of helpfulness and consideration here that a person could get used to. In every store we’ve been to, the employees have guided our experience with helpful information… And so have other customers, for that matter! We’ve been encouraged to try the house salsa, politely informed that growing soil suits our balcony gardening needs better than potting soil, and given a bite of the end piece of brisket to taste at Franklin’s Barbecue. At a burrito shop, when we were trying to choose between the refried beans and the pinto, the tattooed young woman with the blond pigtails who was serving us gently offered that we could in fact have some of each.

Such behaviors might seem like the minimum standard of service in a retail situation, but we’re accustomed to trying to navigate transactions with cashiers who are deeply involved in conversations with their co-workers, or flagging down restaurant servers who plan to drop our check as soon as they finish texting.

And it’s not limited to people who have something to gain from being nice to us: I started a new job last month, and everyone who works there made sure to introduce themselves and see how I was getting along. They answered my questions, recommended shortcuts, and high-fived me when I mastered something difficult. That’s a far cry from the nine years I spent working side-by-side with an ever-changing group of people, some of whose names I never learned. A year after I left, I’d occasionally bump into a colleague who would remark “Hey, I haven’t seen you at work lately, are you on nights now?” We just weren’t that invested in each other, I guess.

The nice man in the parking lot who sat and waited when he could have left a note, or just driven away may never know how much his kindness meant to us, but I hope it comes back to him a hundredfold. Because he, and everyone else that’s been nice to us over the last couple of months, did a lot to make us feel welcome in a place that we aren’t sure we belong yet. And just for today, that’s worth all the palm trees in California.

Keep Friendship Weird!

Unlike my Better Half, I’m an introvert by nature. I take a long time to reveal personal details about myself, and many of my closest friends and family, unless they have asked directly, are unaware of my spiritual beliefs or my political views. Making friends is a slow, organic process for me. But I’m determined to be brave, because having lots of strong, healthy relationships is essential if we’re going to thrive in our new home.
Some of my closest friendships have unexpected, and even downright weird origins: My best friendship in high school started with a fist fight (well, it started with me running my mouth and her pounding me to a pulp)! As an adult, my close relationships have had more peaceful, but still unusual beginnings: There’s the one who taught a workshop for prospective service providers, and I can’t remember if we met because he was my teacher first, or my client. Another was an acquaintance who confided in me when she was going through an intense breakup, because it was easier for her to talk to someone she didn’t hang out with often. Later, I went through an intense breakup, and called upon her to walk me through the thing she had already survived. And a third who, even though we weren’t very close at the time, quietly showed up at my mother’s rainy Monday morning funeral, in between her work assignments. We’re closer now, I daresay.
So when I got a message last week from someone I used to work with in Southern California, who transferred to the the Pacific Northwest some years ago, telling me that one of her people was moving from there to Austin, I told her to give the lady my number. I don’t work for that company anymore, but our field is made up of a close-knit group of people, regardless of who employs us… we had a nice chat over coffee one morning, and have since traded hair salon information, and gardening tips.
Husband and I are also considering volunteering for a statewide political campaign, and joining a local sports league or two… because you never know where your next best friendship is coming from, and we’re trying to keep our answers to “So, how do you know So-and-So?” question interesting.
Have you ever moved to a new place and gotten to make new friends? What worked (and didn’t!) for you?